Monday, May 2, 2011

A Rainforest Of Rampaging Homosexuality

Click Here To See The Most Recent Rumor Roundup On A Possible Imminent Necron Release

I've read through the list, and I'm pretty sure the entire goddamn thing is a bunch of shit.
I don't honestly believe for a second that they will take the time to support this army. Why now? Why when MAREENZ are selling so fucking good? Not to say Necrons don't have a support system of followers, but I think it's safe to say that Games-Workshop is a conservative, non-ideological corporation that is lazy in most of its efforts to do anything. I think of them as dog trainer's with buyer's remorse; they got into the business for the fame, fun, and money, but now they're stuck in a situation where they keep begrudgingly working, but would much rather take the whole fucking lot out back and shoot it with a shotgun. Unless Mat Ward was running around blowing everyone begging for a chance to ruin my army just like he did Grey Knights I don't see there being any motivation to work harder.

So maybe I should be optimistic and consider that I may get a new codex, and even more suprisingly, it will be in the next year. Well, I've been through that series of expectations before, and like taking a fat chick home from the bar, It seemed so exciting at first, and then when it was all over my dick smelled like spoiled milk and olive oil, and I couldn't for the life of me figure out where the fuck I actually ended up cumming on or in her (seriously to this day I think it was the meat underneath her asscheek, and I can only assume it's still there 5 years later growing either an insidious amount of mold, or an army of pancake-flat babies).

Immortals becoming terminators doesn't fucking surprise me in the least. They found a fucking way to charge the exact same fucking 12 dollars a model, and this time I'm not even going to get precious pewter that I can later melt down and pour into my eye-sockets, YAY! Color me happy.

Losing the C'tan isn't at all suprising. I'm thinking resin models with statlines on par with angroth or something would be nice, I wouldn't put it past them to do that. Named lords like the Harbingers and Heralds of Necron nodal command importance will be a nice addition, but if it's true that one of them is going to make Immortals available as a troop choice, then old dickblowing Mr. Ward must be the writer of the codex, because he's confident with every new release that he can escape scrutiny for his complete inability to write or properly structure the game by making something so cheesy it's distracting.

On top of everything that could be, I am ultimately attracted to the idea of a new release for necrons. Having something new to play with will be nice, having something different to paint could be fun, and hey, this gives me a wonderful opportunity to be a shitfucking faggot and for every person would dare play Necrons, I can shit wildly all over their faces claiming they are “copying me” just like homofag MAREENZ players have been doing for a buttfucking decade. I may just be part of the elitist-fag club soon!

I hope I get a fucking jacket.

Tuesday, April 19, 2011


Suck my asshole.

So after Adepticon I'm starting to think that the British have a really drab, shitty sense of humor, and Games Workshop employees in particular express this sense of humor by starting completely unfounded rumors about upcoming Necron codex releases. Moreso, the limey shitfuckers like to respond to any inquiries about any rumors with "yeah, I think they might", which is codeword for "keep jizzing your pants over this plastic bullshit while I suck siphon your wallet straight out of your asshole and fuck you in the ass with a resin Eldar dildo."

Not that there are any games left out there that really do a good job, warhammer is just one more turd-nugget in a mucus of excrement, with warmachine hordes, heroclix, and anything that can be considered a mini game following closely behind on a snail-trail river of feces and sperm.

But those british faggots said that Necrons are one of the next two codices. We'll see. I have a feeling that its just another ploy to sell more tomb stalkers, and that we'll be looking at another edition of glance-shitting vehicles. I'm sure 6th edition will read: "Any model that costs 50 dollars or more can not be damaged by any model that costs less than 50 dollars, suck our asses[sic]".

Fucking faggots.

Wednesday, March 16, 2011


In a non-necron related turn of events, I went to the capitol today and protested the faggotry of our new resident governor. I also managed to strip all of my destroyers down with this amazing cleaner called purple power.

The shit could strip the shitstains off of John Goodman's tighty-whities. I was able to completely clean both the paintjobs and the basecoat off of my 25 destroyers in a matter of 2 days, and now im getting back to repainting them with... GOLD!!!! OH WONDERFUL GOLD!!!!

Pure gold necrons, red rods (found good prices on those at, green eyes. That's my 3 colors, suck my ass I got the midas touch. I was first inspired by a friend of mine from a nearby blog painting some marines in pure gold, and I was inspired. So now I will get myself an airbrush and make my necrons beautiful. Oh, some silver too. I found out that testers paints have a really wonderful chrome that you can damn near see your reflection in.

Oh, and on the topic of John Goodman's shitstains, it's only a couple more weeks before the Grey Knights are updated and a bunch of cocks start showing up at games with 3 dreadknights going HAHAHA look at my tech, fag! I imagine the Grey Knights are going to basically just end up a funny and tech-y variant of ultramarines at this point, considering the sharp decline of chaos and chaos space marines I've seen.

So I got to the capitol building and actually managed to get inside for the protest. People were following whatever chant someone was able to say loud enough for people to hear over the ungodly noise of a thousand pubescant boys pitch-shifting as their balls hit the floor in a chorus of semenal testicle slaps, which i'm sure will cause the janitors of the capitol a considerable amount of anguish, considering the decline of soap sales in this recession.
I tried to start my own chant, but among "Its not fair!" "Why do we pay you?" and "Go Snyder Go!" it just didn't seem that "FUCK THE POLICE!" was going to catch on in any hurry, in fact a nice older gentlemen in a red suit was kind enough to inform me that this was, in fact, unacceptable for chanting at this particular rally. Makes me want to find out when the "fuck the police" rally is being hosted, I'll be sure to attend.

Cocks everywhere.

So yeah, I've been practicing a bit for herpderpticon, and I'm excited to find that Necrons, on a rare occasion with a fairly excessive amount of dick-waxing are in fact, capable (however not consistently capable) of defeating imperial armies (WOOOOO!). Unlike the Tau Army, which I ended up having to sell to afford some more Necrons (poor tau, they are like the floppy fish-dicks of the 40,000 millenium).

Found the color scheme I want for my tomb stalkers.

Hell yes, motherfucking gold. I can't wait to take this baddy into a game and make people bitch. What I'd like to do is get ahold of 20 space marines to model with this model, and I need a drill so I can model the tomb stalker with 20 space marines assholes being impaled by necronic claws. Maybe I'll model the claws as cocks just for good measure, who knows.

Monday, March 14, 2011

Back In Green

Been a while since I've posted on a goddamn thing on this blog, been away from fucking warhammer and its bullshit due to a hellish winter from hell, and the need to stop getting my ass kicked by imperial armies.

Came back with a bang, my faggy little robots clanking their metal dicks across a landscape of chaos marines, marines, and would you fancy more marines.
HERPDERPticon is coming up at the end of the month here, and I find myself with a room and a slot to go and play, however I did not sign up for any tournaments, because I play Necrons and I know better than to bring a green dildo-gun to a rocket-launcher fight.

Fuck the police.

So anyway, gonna try and get my hands on a couple of these little beauties:

Wonderful model, and its been out for a while now. Some support for the clankbots is better than no support, and I think you'll find me posting my shitstained "Did a pre-schooler do that with tampons dipped in watercolor paint?" paint job showing up on this blog at some point.

Other than that, there are a lot of rumors going around that the necrons are finally getting a reprint. I'd say that its "better late than never", but I don't want to encourage another decade of GW employees dressing up in Space Marine suits and blowing eachother all day long.
Some of the rumors I've heard (and most of them contrast):
The C'tan may be back as some variation of super-heavies, and the outsider (and possibly the void dragon) will be among them.
The contrast to that is, some rumors have stated that the C'tan are going IA or Apoc, and then a veritable fuck-robot-ton of named lords will be appearing.
Phase out will be gone, which is still a rumor, but I have no reason to believe that Games Workshop is going to implement the one thing above all else that makes the army nearly unplayable into a modern codex.
Then there's the insinuation that perhaps warriors will become T5, and "We'll be back" will be on course to work somewhat differently from the current version. Either more similarly to FNP or just making it FNP is my guess. Want them to stay away from changing WBB too much, it would be a shame to lose one of the most important things that kept the army standing out these last few years, as nothing else has anything quite like it.

As far as rumors go, whatever. I don't fuck a give too much about rumors. I just want Phase Out gone, T5 warriors, WBB to be changed slightly, but not entirely, Pariahs to be considered "Necrons", and the higher level gauss guns (destroyer guns, immortal guns) to pen on a 6 and glance on a 5 (I also want 6th edition to figure out how to fix the damage chart for vehicles, a LAND RAIDER should not have the same damage chart as a goddamn Rhino), and the basic gauss flayer to rend against non-vehicle units.

Well my wishlist is done, can't wait for herpderpticon. You all enjoy your silly little grey knights, hope the sharp edges of that dreadknight don't pulverize your colon as you pleasure yourself with it, screaming "OH YES MY EMPEROR, MY ASSHOLE IS A PSYCHIC CONDUIT FOR YOUR GIANT MIND-COCK FLOATING THROUGH THE GALAXY AND OBLIVION FOR ETERNITY, PLEASE ENTER ME WHOLLY WITH YOUR PRESTIGIOUS GIRTH".


Friday, September 10, 2010

A Month Later

I bugged out for a month. Fucking too much shit going on with school, work, baby on the way, bills to pay, and cocks to suck. In all seriousness, I haven't played Warhammer in over a month, so posting about it wasn't the first thing on my mind.

Cocksucking dickshitting Games Workshop looks like they aren't releasing my goddamn codex for possibly ANOTHER year, so fuck em. I'm going to write my own. Suck it. I'm going to play it at the table and you assholes are going to deal with it.

Because when it comes down to it, its just disrespectful that they blow off their customers by doing EVERYTHING at whatever pace feels comfortable to them.

Warmachine releases its beckon-call, and my ears perk and quiver to their direction. I'm not sure my asshole can take GW dick in it anymore.

On an unrelated note, something wonderful has happened:

Recently at Pax, game developer Gearbox software, which was founded by one of the original members of 3drealms in the 90's that worked on Duke Nukem 3d, bought up Duke Nukem Forever, which was cancelled last year but now has been shown as a playable game at Pax, and is said to be released next year. The game was finished in secret over the last year+.


This game made me an old man. In 2009 when it was officially cancelled, and I realized that I had waited a DECADE for a game to release, I knew I was an old man. But this news is great.
So between this, Diablo 3, Call Of Duty Black Ops, and all that shit coming out, I think i might just say fuck it.

And fuck it.

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

We'll be back... in 2011

So I was working in my lab late one night when my eyes revealed an eerie sight...

On games-workshop's website, we now find these truths to be self evident:

They added another section for the Necrons codex, indicating that they will soon be going to PDF. Safe to assume then that it will be early next year we will be receiving a new codex for these bad boys, and FUCK ME if it isn't time.

I guess I should throw out my Nightbringer/Deceiver though, because the rumor roundup seems to indicate that these models will be going forgeworld, and possibly not even imperial armor, but just Apocalypse only. Q.Q

The other rumors that have surfaced are that their will be a few named HQ Lords introduced, and that the regular lord will be separated into 3 tiers; Gold, Silver; Platinum, and there will be different lords/HQs for each tier, and that the Platinum tier will most likely be on par with the Nightbringer/Deceiver, with actual options to add or remove.

Sounds all well and good whatever, but what's going to happen to WBB? They could easily ruin the whole army just by being lazy and making it FNP... only time will tell, but I think we can trust GW to be lazy, if nothing else.